SomeonesBella

Imagine you are about to take the best journey of your life. It's not the same kind of trip you are used to, without the protection of a car, or the speed of a plane. But you're not walking either. You are using a bike. When you first see the road that is in front of you, you get excited. The path seems clear, the view is stunning, your whole self is shivering with anticipation. You get on your bike, you have everything you need. You've been preparing yourself for this moment, for a very long time. You need to go alone first, though. And even though this realization hurts, you know it's for the best. So before you go, you say

If I had known that the last time we talked, would be the last time we would ever talk... I would have slapped you, for all the promises you were about to break. I would have kissed you, so I could have a bittersweet last memory. I would have told you the things you changed, the better person you made me be. I would have laughed and cried with you, one last time. I would have told you the things, that I loved and hated about you. I would have let you know, how hard I fell for you. If I had known... I wouldn't have let you go.

Helpless Knowing you have to do something, but you can't. Because it is not inside your control. Outside forces twist and bend you, Circumstances laugh at you, Impatience fills every void. And there's nothing you can do about it. The waiting kills you, the uncertainty eats you from within, the frustration only gets stronger. And there's nothing you can do about it. Timeless feeling, never ending. So much taking, giving nothing. And there's nothing you can do about it.

Allowed to see, but not to touch. Allowed to listen, but not to speak. Allowed to go, but not too far. Allowed to think, but not to feel. Allowed to want, but not to have. Allowed to cry, but not to scream. Allowed to hate, but not to fight. Allowed to love, but not to act.

The waiting is… Unbearable. Whoever said patience is a virtue, has clearly never been in love before. Each second of it feels like an hour. As if I'm thirsty but not for water. As if I'm hungry but not for food. Unsatisfying. I need it. Can't get enough of it. And yet I can't have it. I feel at sea. As if the waves are taking so much more than they are giving. I hope I don't get sea sick. Insane. I'm losing it. Yet I don't care. Craziness has never felt better. The longing is killing though. Dying to see him. Aching to touch him. Yet fulfilling nothing. And that makes it crazier.

I said I was ready for the pain. Turns out, it's not something you can be prepared for. I said my happiness was worth anything. I'd forgotten the price was my heart. He said he would never hurt me. I believed him. He said my heart was safe in his hands. I trusted him with it. I kept him as my secret, no one but him knows. Now I can't tell anyone, how much this hurts.

'Luck' is to have met you. I don't know if it's good or bad, just yet. What I do know, is that I don't want this to end. 'Luck' was finding you. So far apart, different circumstances... such different lives. And to coincide. 'Luck' was giving you a chance. Because the whole situation was so bizarre, that I didn't want to risk it. And realizing it was worth it. 'Luck' was when you saw Me. The part of me no one had ever noticed before. 'Luck' was when I saw You. And trusting what I found there. 'Luck' was finding each other. When everything else indicated that we would never meet.

It's until I get bored, I said. Cause' the truth was too much to bear. Knowing that he intrigued me, and that these feelings weren't going away. But it's better to be in denial, than to accept the harsh truth. I'd rather convice myself that I don't like him, than admitting I like him too much. Because this is going nowhere yet, moving I'm not even though reason tells me that he's bound to go too. So I'm taking a risk here, probably the biggest of my life letting my feelings take over me, and ready to pay if it doesn't work out.

One offers me safety, and acceptance. Sweetness, care and a peaceful life. He understands, or at least tries to. The other throws me into chaos, frustration and uncertainty, yet his arms never leaving my waist nor my heart. Shielding me. One makes me feel safe and fine, the other one makes me feel alive. A feeling so strong it overcomes anything else I've ever felt before. One would never leave me, he would be my guide when life gets hard, he would always be there for me. The other is so like myself, that I can't trust him, because I know me, I'm aware of how fickle I am, and he's the same. Free spirits. We both seek th

A girl is standing there, in the middle of the night, searching for a light, in a path where everything's dark. Something else was found, a feeling, she thought forgotten the hope of being that girl who doesn't take no for an answer. A girl who takes risks, who laughs for no reason at all, the one who knows what she wants and will stop at nothing to get it right. She had buried that girl, a long time ago. Real life threatened to drown her, if she didn't do it first. And suddenly he shows up, full of life, and laughs, and love and reminds her of that girl, she thought was forever gone. But now she is a woman, and a fearl